March 12, 2008 at 9:00 pm
WHEN YOU’RE JUST TOO DEPRESSED TO WEAR DESPAIRWEAR…
You’ve already seen his masterful hand at work in Despair’s popular line of Illustrated tees. Working closely with the deeply embittered writers of Despair, Inc.- he’s produced designs as beautiful as they are tragic, including Despair’s most popular t-shirt yet, the now-no-longer-available Twas The Night Before Christmas.
Has dark humor ever seemed more gleeful? Could someone so gifted at illustrating Despair possibly be anything other than a black-hearted malcontent, a soul laboring quietly in darkness, collecting unto himself ever more grudges and resentments towards his few peers, his broken family, and especially his boss, who demonstrates only a talent for drinking during the workday and for underestimating the amazing worth one particular employee in the department who has proven his value a hundred times over but keep getting marginalized because he dropped out of UT Austin back in the 90s and once made a crack at a company party in 2001 about “Fun/Ed” before he realized his boss actually graduated from that particular institute of higher learning and apparently didn’t find that a cause for shame.
Actually…. The answer, to my continuing surprise, is yes. Apparently there are some perfectly well-adjusted people out there who can weave in-and-out of pessimistic humor without having to live the life of an unsung hero in a marketing department at a company specializing in cynical humor products. How do I know this? Because I actually had a drink with him and some other unhappy Despair employees at Opal Devine’s in South Austin several weeks ago- and despite my repeated attempts to get him to reject his reflex optimism and look on the darkside for a change, he maintained an utterly sunny disposition. And yet- put a mouse in his hand, and five minutes later he’s drawing a picture of the grim reaper as seen through a peep-hole. It’s freaky.
I’m sorry I keep digressing.
Continue reading”6 New Tees from the Artist of Despair Illustrated” »
March 6, 2008 at 2:55 pm
INTRODUCING THE LATEST DEMOTIVATOR® DESIGN IN DESPAIRWEAR FORM.
One of our most dehumanizing designs to date has finally made the leap to DespairWear form! Our Worth Demotivator joins other classic Demotivator designs, including Consistency, Cluelessness, Wishes, Potential, and Mistakes- and in so doing, makes the already devastating line of surprisingly well-produced t-shirts even more unbearably soul-crushing!
As with all of DespairWear Demotivator Tees, the photographic original has been beautifully translated into illustrated form with artistry and finesse. And for the remainder of the week, Wailing List subscribers can pick up their own Worth Tee for $3 off the retail price- just by using the coupon code “worthless”. (Remember- don’t include the quotes when keying the code in our check-out process, or a $3 Bonehead Tax will be added to your order.)
March 2, 2008 at 9:52 pm
AN ASTONISHING NEW DOCUMENTARY. FROM LAURA DUNN, A FRIEND OF DESPAIR.
Yes, you read it right.
Despair, Inc. — the occasionally-lovable-but-mostly-irritating-rogues-who-constantly-
pepper-your-in-box-with-advertisements-and-promotions-for-a-truly-dazzling-array-
of-crap-you-absolutely-do-not-need-and-very-probably-should-not-buy – helped to produce a critically-acclaimed, stunningly beautiful new documentary by longtime company friend and collaborator Laura Dunn. And now that the film is beginning a limited-theatrical run, we’d like to encourage you to see it - if/when it opens in your town.
“What is it about?”, you ask, already skeptical.
Watch the trailer.
Continue reading”Despair, Inc. presents: THE UNFORESEEN - a New Documentary” »
February 26, 2008 at 11:08 pm
It’s Our Second Ever Limited-Edition Illustrated Tee- “Young Love”!
Yes, for the second time in the short history of DespairWear, we are introducing a truly limited-edition t-shirt! And this time, we’re not making any exceptions for latecomers! Only 1,000 tees will be sold. No matter what.
Introducing “Young Love“!
This beautifully illustrated tee recalls with great affection the sweet whimsy of childhood infatuation. A tender-heart youth whispers the ancient chant, “She loves me, she loves me not” while gently plucking the… uh… extremities… from… some random… dude?
That’s slightly… mega… massively… disturbing.
Continue reading”New DespairWear: “Young Love” (Limited Edition)” »
February 26, 2008 at 6:15 pm
It’s Finally Here.
Since the unveiling of our awesome Do-It-Yourself tool- The Parody Motivator Generator- online audiences have generated literally hundreds of thousands of their own reliably unfunny parodies. But, every so often, to our amazement, something actually amusing has been produced as a result. Very, very occasionally, it’s actually even funny. Yet before today, it was impossible for the creator of an amusing parody to actually purchase a high-resolution printed poster of that design. And this has led to no shortage of complaints from our own population of the chronically dissatisfied.
But as of today, the complaints must stop. Because today, Despair is proud to announce the availability of purchasable, high-resolution 11″x14″ posters of your own DIY parodies!
And what’s more- as is occasionally our want- we’re making this new product available to our Wailing List audience at a discount off of its retail price of $12.95! Provided they are able to follow the most basic of instructions.
Continue reading”Your Own Printed DIY Demotivator Posters” »
February 24, 2008 at 7:04 pm
No, your eyes do not deceive you. That is a genuinely new DespairWear T-Shirt overhead. I tried to write something funny to go with it, but I found myself feeling a bit upstaged. The shirt just cracked me up so much- but for reasons that wouldn’t necessarily be very funny to most people, least of all you folks.
I mean, given how long I’ve been here, I’ve had to endure countless Marketing Department demographic and psychographic studies of the Despair housefile and The Wailing List. And it’s frightening at this point how much we know about you- and how suitable this shirt seems to be for many of you.
We paid this one firm (who I’m not allowed to mention by name due to a pending lawsuit that I’m also not suppose to discuss so please keep this between the 100,001 of us)… We paid them a mid-five-figure sum to perform an extremely in-depth set of psychological profiles of our audience- comparing your purchases at Despair.com with purchases from every other merchant who participates in this giant consumer data orgy that most people of you remain blissfully unaware of…
Continue reading”The Peerless Tee” »
