The Despair Inc. Blog

Our latest Caption Contest voting is complete- and the winners are decided! Introducing LEGACY and ACQUISITION. Our two first prize winners are Mike Plantan (for “Legacy”) and Ms. Deborah Knight (for “Acquisition”). They’re both soon to receive checks for $750, along with some other goodies. Also in line for a $250 cash prize for Retweeting our Contest Announcement is one Haley Vilhaurer (@haleybobl). Congrats to you all!

And, yet again, LEGACY and ACQUISITION aren’t the only new Demotivators we’re adding this week. Despair’s proud to unveil our latest entry into the canon, WEALTH! Didn’t see THAT coming, huh? And still- the WINS continue. Because starting now, Despair is going to give each and every one of you a chance to pick a free Desktopper or Lithograph with your next order! But details matter, SO PAY ATTENTION!

We’ve unveiled Desktoppers of all three new designs (“Acquisition“, “Legacy” and “Wealth“) and Lithographs of “Wealth” and “Legacy”. And from now through the weekend, we’re giving YOU folks a chance to choose which of the new items you’d like to pick up for FREE! All you have to do is decide which item you’d like for free- then use the appropriate coupon code (listed below) when placing your order. We’ll handle the rest! (note:You must have $19.95 of merchandise in your cart before you can apply your free product coupon.)

Free Acquisition Desktopper, use the coupon code: freeacquisitiondesktopper
Free Legacy Desktopper, use the coupon code: freelegacydesktopper
Free Legacy Lithograph, use the coupon code: freelegacylitho
Free Wealth Desktopper, use the coupon code: freewealthdesktopper
Free Wealth Lithograph, use the coupon code: freewealthlitho

But if you’re interested in taking advantage of one of these freebies, you’ll have to act fast. The coupon codes expire this Monday!

Thanks again to all of you who participating in our latest contest. Whether you submitted a caption, or you judged raw entries, or you retweeted the contest tweet, or you just voted on Semi-Finalists- you helped bring about two funny new entries to the Demotivator® canon.

See y’all soon!

Here we go again! It’s our second Caption Contest of 2010- and once again, we’re bringing the big bucks for the smartest caption! The winner of this contest gets $750- not a bad payoff (plus whatever money your employer pays you while you waste time at your workplace trying to come up with a funny caption!) So- my fellow disgruntled masses- LET’S GET READY TO GRUUUUUUUUMMMMMMBBBLLLLLLLE!!

So- for those of you NEW to Despair’s Wailing List newsletter, lemme explain how this works…

Despair has gone to great pains to procure a wonderfully perfectly caption-worthy image- the beaut above. Now we’re calling on YOU to author the perfect title & caption for it!

From now until noon CST on Tuesday, we’re accepting your caption and title submissions. And by “title”, we mean “title for the poster”- NOT your job title. You could have the wittiest caption in the world- but if you title your poster “CUSTOMER SATISFACTION SPECIALIST“, you are probably not going to win the contest.

After the Submission window closes, then the Peer-review window opens! From Tuesday at 12:01pm CDT through Wednesday at midnight CST- YOU are all invited to vote on randomized, unedited submissions from other participants- should you want to do so. (You will receive an e-mail invitation to judge captions Tuesday morning…)

A WORD OF WARNING: I know you longtimers are tired of hearing this, but I get complaints every time- so I’m repeating it. If you CHOOSE to join the Peer-Review stage, you’re inevitably going to be grinding your way through a seemingly barrage of frequently annoying or tiresome material. Yes, you’ll find some gems along with way, but you’ll endure more than your share of groaners in the process. It’s the price you pay for joining the loser-generated content revolution! But the reward is worth it- because once the contest is complete- Despair will offer, for a very brief time- a chance for you to get a framed 5×7 of the winning design for FREE.

On Thursday, we will announce the semi-finalists from amongst the top contest vote-getters. If you don’t want to participate in the caption-judging but you do want to vote on semi-finalists, you’re more than welcome to do so. (It’s a lot more fun, frankly…) A final vote will be held starting Thursday afternoon to determine the final contest winner!

All you need to do in order to submit your entry (or entries) is visit this link. Remember, you have until Monday at midnight to submit your suggested caption(s)!

And- once again I’m inviting my Twitter followers- should they want to- to you Retweet the CONTEST invitation below. By doing so, you’ll automatically be registered for a chance to win $250. Simply cut and paste the blue text below into your Twitter update window and tweet it to the world!

DESPAIR.COM CONTEST: Write the best caption for this pic to win $750! http://bit.ly/1hk74 (Retweet 4 chance 2 win $200)

(Yet again, let me remind you: In order to qualify for the Twitter drawing, you need have at least 5 followers. And if it looks like all 5 of your followers were generated by YOU hastily so they can have fake conversations with you, you’ll be disqualified. We’re not trying to encourage multiple-personality disorders, here- you’ll have enough personality problems already!)

Let your brilliant caption submissions begin!

And hey- a quick-reminder for you DespairWear t-shirt fans out there… If you want to save 20% on one of our recent tees, such as The Flash Tee, The Help Tee, The Toyota Tee, My Opinion Tee or the Vote Whig Tee- just use the coupon code iwanttosave20percentononeofyourrecenttees (this coupon expires at end of day tomorrow, or Friday the 26th).

Our latest Caption Contest voting is complete- and, in classic paradoxical style, you decided on “Indecision”!

This time around, the 1st Prize winner of the contest is Mr. David Erbas-White! He’ll soon be receiving a check for $750, along with some other junk. All for contributing the winning submission, INDECISION!

But he’s not the only winner today. Also, Despair will be awarding $200 to Twitter user @robidoo, for being the lucky retweeter of our promotional contest tweet!

Starting Monday at noon, Despair is running an ultra-mega-huge Retirement Party sale. We’re going to be permanently retiring a great number of Demotivator designs in the interest of simplifying our gargantuan collection! So we’re going to offer crazy discounts on things we are getting rid of- and you REALLY should not miss out on this chance when it comes up!

But that’s not all! Because we’re also unveiling a really hilarious new DespairWear design- but it will only be available for 48 hours, and then gone forever! (I have it on good authority that we might even have TWO such gems- though I’ve yet to see confirmation on that…)

So- prepare yourselves! I wish I could start plugging the promo details and new shirt and all that stuff right now but I can’t- so make sure you check your emails first thing Monday morning. (Er, not really first thing. But by maybe 9am CDT?) You should receive a Wailing List email with all the scoop- and THEN it will be time for you to scoop up some great deals and freebies and that exclusive-and-available-for-48-hours-only t-shirt!

In the meantime, thanks again for your participation in the Caption Contest! I think it turned out a great design! More soon, yall!

Oh yes! It’s back- and it’s bigger than ever! Despair is starting off 2010 with another of our beloved Caption Contests- and this time, we’re giving the winner $750! Wow! How’s THAT for inflation! So- prepare yourselves- one and all- for the battle of wits that pits you again thousands of your fellow demoralized, disgruntled, or disaffected Despair, Inc. fans!

I know most of you have figured out how this works by now- but for the new subscribers and/or the particularly slow long-time followers, here’s the rundown on the rules.

We’ve prepared a perfectly caption-worthy image. Now we’re calling on YOU to with with the perfect title & caption for it!

If your submitted caption is chosen to be the best- you’ll receive a check for $500- along with some other goodies (that may or may not be grabbed hastily from our “RETURNS” bin in the warehouse…)

Here’s how this all works…

From now until noon CDT on Tuesday, we are accepting your caption and title submissions. (Incidentally, the “TITLE” field is NOT asking for your job title… I can’t tell you how many captions I’ve seen that had titles like “INSURANCE ADJUSTER” or “EXECUTIVE CUSTOMER ASSISTANT IN TRAINING” or whatnot. We’re asking you to submit a title for your parody poster!)

When the Submission stage closes, then the Peer-review stage begins! From Tuesday at 12:01pm CDT through Wednesday at midnight CDT- YOU are allowed to vote on randomized, unedited submissions from other participants- should you want to do so.

PLEASE, PLEASE NOTE: I’ll repeat this once again. If you CHOOSE to join the Peer-Review stage, you are choosing to wade through a largely unedited sludge of user-generated (in some cases loser-generated) content. Don’t write angry mails to me about someone else’s caption submission- it’s not my fault! We’re trying to get a little bit better about purging obvious garbage from the user-generated datafile (vulgar or racist stuff, etc.) But you still may occasionally run into something bothersome or unimaginably stupid. That’s the price one pays for the opportunity to help find and elevate the occasional bits of brilliance that will most certainly be buried in this mess.

Again, to those of you willing to brave the wasteland in search of genius, we’re quite grateful for your efforts. That is why- once the contest is complete- we will again offer, for a very brief window- a chance for you to get a framed 5×7 of the winning design for free. But I’m getting ahead of myself… Where was I? Oh yes… Thursday.

On Thursday, we will announce between 6 to 12 semi-finalists from amongst the top contest vote-getters. If you don’t want to read through raw captions but you do want to vote on semi-finalists, you are more than welcome to do so. A final vote will be held starting Thursday afternoon to determine the final contest winner!

All you need to do in order to submit your entry (or entries) is visit this link. Remember, you have until Monday at midnight to submit your suggested caption(s)!

And- once again I’m inviting my Twitter followers- should they want to- to you Retweet the CONTEST invitation below. By doing so, you’ll automatically be registered for a chance to win $200. Simply cut and paste the blue text below into your Twitter update window and tweet it to the world!

DESPAIR.COM CONTEST: Write the best caption for this pic to win $750! http://bit.ly/1hk74 (Retweet 4 chance 2 win $200)

(Yet again, let me remind you: In order to qualify for the Twitter drawing, you need have at least 5 followers. And if it looks like all 5 of your followers were generated by YOU hastily so they can have fake conversations with you, you’ll be disqualified. Let that be a life lesson!

Now. Let my aimless prattling cease and your caption submissions begin!

Our third Caption Contest is at end. 2,000,000 votes were cast against thousands of caption submissions. And after 6 were declared semi-finalists, the voter quickly elevated one design above all others. The design that mocks my very own profession. Dangit!

This time around, the 1st Prize winner of the contest is Mr. Collin Boots of South Dakota- who barely made the submission window in time. For his entirely unfair and mean-spirited denigration of my livelihood, he’ll receive a check for $500 and a wonderful selection of gorgeous products from the Despair catalog!

(Unless it were to, say, get lost in the mail and- in spite of all my hyping- to never be delivered, in which case it would turn into an ongoing problem for our Customer Service department to resolve. The sort of problem I would never even bother to trouble myself with, since MY work of (ahem)”making it look good” was already accomplished… But of course, that WON’T happen- because in spite of what all you cruel and judgmental anti-marketing bigots think, not all of us marketing folk live to over-promise and undeliver and leave support nightmares for the customer service or engineers to resolve!)

Anyway…Collin Boots isn’t the only winner today. As with other Caption Contests, we’re letting all of YOU have a chance to win something, too! From now until Monday night, you can pick up a FREE desktopper of “MARKETING“, simply by adding it to your cart and placing an order for $19.95 worth of other stuff at our website. If you really want to hurt me and take advantage of the fact that I HAVE to give this away- even if it makes me and my people look like amoral reprobates who will lie just for the sheer joy of exploiting the trust of our marks- I mean, the customers!

Now that our 3rd Caption Contest is over, we’d like to again thank all participants- particularly those of you who followed the whole thing from start to finish… Submitting entries, voting on them, then picking a final winner. This process only works because a great many of you are willing to dedicate yourselves to it. Having long been a proponent of some more participatory forms of customer engagement, it makes me particularly happy to see so many people giving this a go! So thanks to all who played along- it’s appreciated!

Remember, you’ve got a week to help yourself to a free “MARKETING” desktopper. Don’t wait until the last minute or you’ll miss out!