August 25, 2009 at 12:17 pm
THE MUGSHOT TEE
Introducing the first shirt that turns any photo into a Mugshot!
After my epic re-plug last week for the 16 Month Build Your Own Demotivators Calendar, I’m keeping things VERY simple for today’s launch of the new MUGSHOT TEE.
The shirt features a realistic-looking mugshot placard and a case number- along with simulated drop-shadow! And by sporting it, you’ll immediately add an element of criminality and danger to any photo you happen to pop-up in.
What a great opportunity to crash that next party, company get together, or family reunion! You can walk around- as the flashes pop- forever tainting the photos of those around you. Forever making THEIR friends, coworkers, or relatives ask, “Did that dude/chick just come out of a police lineup?”
Capital!
What’s more- any photo that you happen to thusly taint will also automatically become a free advertisement for Despair, Incorporated- because the Case Number printed on the shirt is actually our toll-free telephone number (1-877-DESPAIR)! Yes, we really are that bloody shameless!
And hey- it’s gets even better- because if you order this shirt before Wednesday at midnight, you can pick up your tee for $5 off the retail price! Simply use the coupon code MUGGING and you’ll save 25% off that criminally-awesome new design!
That’s it- my work here is done. Now your work begins!
[$5 OFF PROMOTION ENDS WEDNESDAY 8/26 AT MIDNIGHT CST]
August 9, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Our third Caption Contest is at end. 2,000,000 votes were cast against thousands of caption submissions. And after 6 were declared semi-finalists, the voter quickly elevated one design above all others. The design that mocks my very own profession. Dangit!
This time around, the 1st Prize winner of the contest is Mr. Collin Boots of South Dakota- who barely made the submission window in time. For his entirely unfair and mean-spirited denigration of my livelihood, he’ll receive a check for $500 and a wonderful selection of gorgeous products from the Despair catalog!
(Unless it were to, say, get lost in the mail and- in spite of all my hyping- to never be delivered, in which case it would turn into an ongoing problem for our Customer Service department to resolve. The sort of problem I would never even bother to trouble myself with, since MY work of (ahem)”making it look good” was already accomplished… But of course, that WON’T happen- because in spite of what all you cruel and judgmental anti-marketing bigots think, not all of us marketing folk live to over-promise and undeliver and leave support nightmares for the customer service or engineers to resolve!)
Anyway…Collin Boots isn’t the only winner today. As with other Caption Contests, we’re letting all of YOU have a chance to win something, too! From now until Monday night, you can pick up a FREE desktopper of “MARKETING“, simply by adding it to your cart and placing an order for $19.95 worth of other stuff at our website. If you really want to hurt me and take advantage of the fact that I HAVE to give this away- even if it makes me and my people look like amoral reprobates who will lie just for the sheer joy of exploiting the trust of our marks- I mean, the customers!
Now that our 3rd Caption Contest is over, we’d like to again thank all participants- particularly those of you who followed the whole thing from start to finish… Submitting entries, voting on them, then picking a final winner. This process only works because a great many of you are willing to dedicate yourselves to it. Having long been a proponent of some more participatory forms of customer engagement, it makes me particularly happy to see so many people giving this a go! So thanks to all who played along- it’s appreciated!
Remember, you’ve got a week to help yourself to a free “MARKETING” desktopper. Don’t wait until the last minute or you’ll miss out!
