Introducing Perseverance… the winner of the Caption Contest!
Our first-ever Caption Contest is complete. With over 20,000 votes cast, the 1st Prize winner of the contest is one Daniel Swensen- who received over 4,000 votes for his entry! For his efforts, he’ll receive a $500 cash prize, as well as an assortment of miscellaneous crap that we’ll grab out of the “damaged returns” bin.
But Daniel’s not the only winner. We’re also happy to announce that one Jonathan Holmberg of Fort Collins, Colorado won our $200 Retweeter prize. He- along with many others- used his Twitter account to Retweet my Twitter Caption Contest invitation. His name was chosen at random from the list of other Retweeters- and as a result, he’s winning $200!
Yet, there are other winners as well. Including all of YOU! Because- through the end of the month- you can pick up a FREE desktopper of “PERSEVERANCE“, simply by adding it to your cart and placing an order for $19.95 worth of other stuff at our website. Awesome!
And yet, there are still further winners. We decided to honor a few additional entries to the contest- entries which, while not really qualifying for consideration for various reasons, still prompted guilty laughter, or pained groans, or disbelieving winces. They are:
If only you’d let that car salesman talk you into that TruCoat sealant…—
BEST USE OF A CAPTION CONTEST AS POLITICAL BUMPER STICKER:
ALTERNATIVE ENERGY
Oil never chased down and killed anyone.
—
MOST EFFICIENT USE OF DUAL PRODUCT PLACEMENT:
HELLO ONSTAR
My Depends just deployed.
—
BEST INCORPORATI ON OF WORKPLACE ANGST INTO A METAJOKE:
BLOWN AWAY
I thought I would take just a moment and come up with a few funny captions.
Then my Boss tapped me on the shoulder…
—
BEST OBLIGATORY WIZARD-OF-OZ REFERENCE:
BLOWN AWAY
Facing adversity can make you stronger. It can also land you
on top of a witch who has a sister with flying monkeys.
—
BEST USE OF A CAPTION CONTEST AS A PRIVATE CONFESSIONAL:
DREAD
This is the end — and my poor, grief-stricken family,
while sorting through my stuff, will find my porn drawer.
So- our first Caption Contest is over- and we thank everyone who participated! And- incredibly- I’ve been told to invite your feedback about the Contest. If you want to send us your opinions or suggestions, please just reply to this email with whatever you’ve got. Do you want to see more caption contests down the road? Did you enjoy this tiny moment of customer participation in the Despair, Inc. product development process? Do you want to see a different voting system? Do you want cash prizes to be $1,000,000 instead of $500? You are welcome to send any and all serious suggestions or comments in reply.
Seriously though, please don’t grouse about the prize money being $500. We didn’t ask anybody to drive up and snap a pic of an F2 Tornado with a car in front of it. We asked people to spend a few minutes writing a snarky quip- which is something most of you are doing frequently enough anyway, and most of you are doing it while being paid to WORK. And jeez, I am the author of the Demotivator phrase about Blogging, “Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few.” When I wrote it- I Googled the phrase, to see if it had ever been used before. I got zero hits. And now look. There’s over 11,300 pages using that exact quote- that brilliantly punchy and poetic and well-constructed bit of wordcraft. It’s probably going to go into Bartlett’s book of Quotations some day- and be credited to Dr. E.L. Kersten. Even my Mom doesn’t believe I wrote it at this point… And- as brilliant as it is- I still haven’t made more than $500 in royalty checks from Despair. And- unlike the rest of you- I’m DISQUALIFIED from entering any Despair-related contests! So stop the whining, please! I’ve got enough of my own problems with money- I don’t need to hear about yours…
But seriously, other than that, we’re all ears!
Remember, if you want a free “PERSEVERANCE” desktopper, you better place your order quickly. That promotion ends at 12:01am on the morning of June 1st.
Peace out!