Return of the Blackout! (Ends May 8, 12PM CST)
The Blackout Returns. Bigtime.
Today at Noon, The Greatest Sales Event of the Year is BACK!
Starting at 12:00 PM CST • For 48 hours only.
(Read this E-Mail CAREFULLY, Please, or Risk Missing Out on the Deal of an Admittedly Depressing Lifetime!)
Yes, it’s the sale so absolutely staggering in its disproportionate generosity that many would-be customers are certain it must be a joke. A sale- from Despair, Incorporated no less- which offers not only staggering discounts on the majority of products at Despair.com- but even more incredibly, unbelievably compelling freebies for nearly everyone who places an order!
And this year’s Freebies are without a doubt the most generous we’ve ever offered in a Blackout sale. Because during THIS promotion, we’re celebrating the 10th anniversary of our famed Pessimist’s Mug by introducing an awe-inspiring expansion of the product line- an entire collection of Pessimist’s Glassware! And we’re giving them away! But first- the discounts!
For 48-hours only, all Demotivator® Lithographs are $9.95 ($6.95 off!)
All Desktoppers are $12.95 ($3 off!)
All DespairWear is $14.95 (up to $5 off!)
All 4-color Mugs are $7.95 ($3 off!)
And guess what, our Summer-Edition Build-Your-Own-Calendars are all discounted by 25% or more- and, for the duration of the Blackout, all customized dates in our Standard & Special-Edition (8.5″ x 11″) Calendars are provided free-of-charge for the duration of the promotion. Wickedosity!
And Now For the FREEBIES- from our New-And-Improved Pessimist’s Glassware Collection! (Email continues after the pic- so keep reading!)
If you’re one of the first 1,000 customers to place an order in the Blackout, you’ll automatically receive a FREE, 10th Anniversary Edition Version of Our Classic Pessimist’s Mug. (What’s different about it? Why, it’s got considerably classier type this time around- and there’s not a gigantic “www.despair.com” on the face of the mug anymore! SWANK!)
If your order includes $25 worth of product, you’ll get a FREE, 15 oz. Pessimist’s Glass with your order! Nice!
But hold on! If you spend over $35 on products during this Blackout, you’ll ALSO get our utterly fantastically, entirely brand-new Points-Of-View Pint Glass for FREE!
And- to even OUR amazement- if you order $50 or more on goods from Despair.com, you’ll receive THREE ADDITIONAL PESSIMIST’S GLASSES! Bringing your set to an even four! They’re the perfect glassware for entertaining some of your least entertaining friends! AMAZING!
For those of you wanting to order ADDITIONAL Pessimist’s Glassware- Shot Glasses, Drinking Glasses, or Mugs- you can do so here.
IN CLOSING: PLEASE READ CAREFULLY! Remember- the Blackout begins at 12pm Noon (CST). Whatever you do, DON’T start ordering stuff before Noon and then complain that you didn’t see the discounts we promised, and didn’t get the freebies we hyped once your order arrived. Orders placed before Noon CST will not be considered BLACKOUT orders and thus will not enjoy the amazing discounts and freebies! And many items will not be added to the Despair.com website until 12, either- so just WAIT until then to act!
Also please note: Orders placed during this Blackout should ship by or before the week of 05/25. There’s a LOT of new stuff here- some of it we’re still waiting to receive in our warehouse. So be patient with us. These kinda crazy discounts and giveaways are so generous to you that the least you can do is cut us some slack on the fulfillment end of things.
That’s all. See you at Noon at Despair.com.