The Despair Inc. Blog

VISION:

How can the future be so hard to predict 

when all of my worst fears keep coming true?

 

Introducing a brand new Demotivator both beautiful and striking- which speaks of the great curse so many of us pessimists bear. We fear the worst will come- and are so often not disappointed, even as we are disappointed. We worry about catastrophes ahead in our relationships, our workplaces, our economies- and find that all too often those fears are prophecies.I myself remember as though it were yesterday being dumped by one I believed was to be my eternal soulmate- after I prophesied it would happen…

Continue reading”A Brand New Demotivator – Vision” »

THAT’S RIGHT! THE SUMMER EDITION CALENDAR IS NOW SHIPPING!
DR. E.L.KERSTEN IS BACK WITH A VIDEO TOUR OF OUR DIY TOOL!
AND WE’RE GIVING AWAY FREE DIY PARODY PRINTS (FOR A LIMITED TIME)!

Yet again, I find myself more than a little surprised by the embarrassment of riches we’re offering this week! In fact, I’m frankly at a loss for words- which I’m sure will come as a great delight to the many of you who complain that I have a verbosity problem. So yet again, I’ll avoid providing you with my usual supply of perfectly legitimate grousing, periodic company gossip, and/or the occasional typographical error… Instead, let’s go directly to the gratuitous product plugging…

The Summer-Edition Build Your Own Calendar is Here!

With a start month of July 2008 and an ending month of June 2009, this calendar is the perfect late Father’s Day Present! (Of course we can’t likely get it there in time- don’t even ask. But you could print of a picture of it and tell them it’s coming next week, right? It’s your DAD, after all- he’s already become perfectly accustomed to the stable supply of disappointment you’ve provided him with over the years… Why surprise him?)

And hey- don’t forget- the Special Edition version of that same calendar also include 4 additional prints of your choosing for only $5 more! That’s a steal!

The New DIY Guided Tour Video

In what is either an overt homage to Apple.com or an outright theft of look/feel, Dr. E.L.Kersten offers individuals an online tutorial in the usage of our nifty Do-It-Yourself tool for creating Parody Motivational posters. But the true surprise is that- for a limited time- Kersten has authorized that your first DIY print is FREE (rather than the $12.95 we usually charge)! (But remember, you need to order $19.95 in other products from our store in order to get the discount…)

And speaking of freebies and discounts and videos…

 

Demotivator® Vinyl Adhesives!

What do you know? Last week’s “first-pack-is-free” promotion on the new Demotivator® Vinyl Adhesives seems not to have yet been updated yet! So if you haven’t already picked up a set, you probably should- because the IT guys will eventually get around to reading this mail and will disable the freebie code. (What, you don’t know what the Demotivator Vinyl Adhesives are? Well why don’t you watch the video above and find out!) And on top of all this other freebie goodness, The Bummertime Sale is still underway! So all t-shirts are still discounted by $5! What more do you need to know?

The pitching is over- let the buying BEGIN!

The Bummertime Sale!

THAT’S RIGHT! $5 OFF ALL TEES (INCLUDING 3 NEW ONES!)
AND THERE’S EVEN A WAILING-LIST EXCLUSIVE FREEBIE,
DEMONSTRATED ON VIDEO FOR YOU BY DR. E.L. KERSTEN!

I can hardly believe it myself- that I’m sending out a Wailing List plugging 4 NEW PRODUCTS at once. Yet here we are! I won’t waste your time with a lot of marketing blahsmack this time around- let’s get right to the new stuff! Starting with my personal favorite…

The Overtime Tee!

Yes, it’s our latest entry in the beloved Despair Illustrated collection- the beautiful new “Overtime” Tee! Depicting a desktop perhaps not unlike your own- where an unnamed worker, perhaps not unlike you- has been forced by circumstances beyond his (or her) control into Overtime Play… Where everyone goes home a winner (except, of course, for the employer… Who stands to lose money AND office supplies…)

The Rad Tee!

And how about another little something for you nerdy, scientific sorts? It’s The Rad Tee. And if you don’t understand why it’s the most rad shirt ever made, then you probably have a far more vibrant social life than those of us who DO get it, and think it’s funny… (Lucky jerks…) And hey there nerdy ladies! This one comes in a babydoll tee cut, too!

The Headache Tee!

And last of all- for those of you who prefer your t-shirt humor a little more obvious and a little more confrontational- we’re pleased to introduce you to our new Headache tee. It’s the perfect way to quietly prevail in nearly any argument you might stumble into. In fact, with a shirt like this, you’ll find yourself probably starting arguments just so you can push people to try to counter you, whereupon your eyes need only drift slowly to your own chest while your hands are raised slowly to your temples. That’ll show ‘em!

But we’re still not finished!

Because not only are we discounting ALL of our t-shirts by $5, and not only are we rolling out 3 new designs that rock heavily, we’re also giving you Wailing List subscribers a rare chance to get something as yet unavailable to the outside world- and for free!

Demotivator® Vinyl Adhesives!

The picture and link above will take you to a full-scale product demonstration- offered by Dr. E.L.Kersten. And for a limited time- Wailing List subscribers can get their first set for free! Just add one to your cart and you’ll see the price is $0!. Each additional set is $9.95! (But hey there short-cut lovers- don’t think you can put one in your cart and complete your order… The store minimums are set to $19.95 for any order. You gotta spend SOMETHING- this ain’t a not-for-profit created for the purposes of bringing happiness to those suffering from melancholia. It’s a for-profit created for the purposes of liberating disposable income from the pockets of that same constituency… We’ll give something back to society once we’re crazy rich ourselves, in the grand tradition of other robber barons.)

That’s it! START SPENDING!