February 26, 2008 at 11:08 pm
It’s Our Second Ever Limited-Edition Illustrated Tee- “Young Love”!
Yes, for the second time in the short history of DespairWear, we are introducing a truly limited-edition t-shirt! And this time, we’re not making any exceptions for latecomers! Only 1,000 tees will be sold. No matter what.
Introducing “Young Love“!
This beautifully illustrated tee recalls with great affection the sweet whimsy of childhood infatuation. A tender-heart youth whispers the ancient chant, “She loves me, she loves me not” while gently plucking the… uh… extremities… from… some random… dude?
That’s slightly… mega… massively… disturbing.
Continue reading”New DespairWear: “Young Love” (Limited Edition)” »
February 26, 2008 at 6:15 pm
It’s Finally Here.
Since the unveiling of our awesome Do-It-Yourself tool- The Parody Motivator Generator- online audiences have generated literally hundreds of thousands of their own reliably unfunny parodies. But, every so often, to our amazement, something actually amusing has been produced as a result. Very, very occasionally, it’s actually even funny. Yet before today, it was impossible for the creator of an amusing parody to actually purchase a high-resolution printed poster of that design. And this has led to no shortage of complaints from our own population of the chronically dissatisfied.
But as of today, the complaints must stop. Because today, Despair is proud to announce the availability of purchasable, high-resolution 11″x14″ posters of your own DIY parodies!
And what’s more- as is occasionally our want- we’re making this new product available to our Wailing List audience at a discount off of its retail price of $12.95! Provided they are able to follow the most basic of instructions.
Continue reading”Your Own Printed DIY Demotivator Posters” »
February 24, 2008 at 7:04 pm
No, your eyes do not deceive you. That is a genuinely new DespairWear T-Shirt overhead. I tried to write something funny to go with it, but I found myself feeling a bit upstaged. The shirt just cracked me up so much- but for reasons that wouldn’t necessarily be very funny to most people, least of all you folks.
I mean, given how long I’ve been here, I’ve had to endure countless Marketing Department demographic and psychographic studies of the Despair housefile and The Wailing List. And it’s frightening at this point how much we know about you- and how suitable this shirt seems to be for many of you.
We paid this one firm (who I’m not allowed to mention by name due to a pending lawsuit that I’m also not suppose to discuss so please keep this between the 100,001 of us)… We paid them a mid-five-figure sum to perform an extremely in-depth set of psychological profiles of our audience- comparing your purchases at Despair.com with purchases from every other merchant who participates in this giant consumer data orgy that most people of you remain blissfully unaware of…
Continue reading”The Peerless Tee” »
